Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
