She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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