So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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