I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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