..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize