eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
