is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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