i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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