Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
