i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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