I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize