You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
