are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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