I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
