what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
