OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
