i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
