Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(133): View more from

YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.

Fav 18 1435 5338
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.

Fav 38 6263 1562
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

Fav 17 5354 2021
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.

Fav 10 1766 4030
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.

Fav 9 4108 1155
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.

Fav 26 1687 1129
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(925): View more from California

Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard

(973): View more from New Jersey

omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you

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