I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
