i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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