I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We named our party play list daddy issues
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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