YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
