my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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