Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to align my fucking chakras
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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