Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
