i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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