Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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