last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
