Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
so much tequila, so little girl.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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