The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
