How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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