Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
