Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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