This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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