I hope mine doesn't look like that
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You've changed since you got that strap on
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