Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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