I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
