How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
