Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
