So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
