she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
