Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
