so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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