My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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