Pappa wants mamma naked
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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