DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize