so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
