dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
