i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
4 words: hood of his car
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
