about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
