This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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