I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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