there was a trapeze. enough said
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
