if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
