so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
