He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
how drunk are you?
Several
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
