Sry I called you an 8
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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