I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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