Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize