I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
