I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am naked and annoyed.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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