This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
