i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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