Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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