you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
