smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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