One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
