There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize