My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize