I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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