My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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