What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
