I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
